Struggling

Tonight I am struggling to deal with my emotions. Everything just kind of mish mashes into a ball and tumbles on top of me (or so it feels like). I have sooo many friends right now that have either just had babies or are pregnant. I am happy for them. All of them. But something pangs me inside my heart and hurts. It fills me with sadness and I start to question myself. Having PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is a bitch. A.real.bitch.
Not just dealing with the symptoms but the feelings that come with it. Thats partly why I started this blog so I could have kind of an outlet for my feelings to help me cope in a healthier way. To get it out there, and to let go of the negative thoughts and frustrations that sometimes get me down...
Because of PCOS, I have very irregular cycles. Which makes it so hard to fall pregnant. My daughter is 4 and I long for another baby. Just one more is all my partner and I want. My hormones have been on a roller coaster for about 2 years now and for 2 years Ive been trying to get myself "normal". Thats all I want, is to be normal. Ive tried accupunture, western herbs, chinese medicine, standard western treatments, ive been to endocrinologists, doctors and womens health nurses.
While some treatments work to varying degrees, others do not. Or they make me so sick that im on the bathroom floor doubled up in pain. Im trying to do this the natural way. I want to regulate my cycles and lose weight so I can enjoy my life to the max and hopefully have another child.
But right now. Tonight, it all just seems so hard. Hopefully I ll be in a better headspace when I wake up tomorrow. Xx

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